Quotes and Text Messages

One day, three nuns where walking through the street on a community. As they came across a blue house, they heard a teasing whistle. They gazed to know whom the whistle came from and they were surprised that it was from a naughty parrot on the porch.

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BEFORE MARRIAGE…

Boy: Yes! At last… It was so hard to wait.
Girl: Do you want me to leave?
Boy: No! Don’t even think about it.
Girl: Do you love me?
Boy: Of course, over and over!
Girl: Have you ever cheated on me?
Boy: No! Why are you even asking?
Girl: Will you kiss me?
Boy: Every chance I get!
Girl: Will you hit me?
Boy: Are you crazy? I’m not that kind of person!
Girl: Can I trust you???
Boy: Yes!!!
Girl: Oh, darling!!!

AFTER MARRIAGE…

Simply read from bottom to top.

An 80-year-old man went into the confessional.

Old man: Father I’m an 80-year-old man, I’m married and I have 4 children and 11 grandchildren. Last night I strayed and had an affair with two 18-year-old girls. We partied and made love all night long.

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Little Johnny was 7 years old, and like other boys his age, rather curious. He had been hearing quite a bit about courting from other boys and he wondered what it was and how it was done.

One day he took his questions to his mother, and she became flustered. Instead of explaining things to Johnny she told him to hide behind the curtains one night and watch his older sister and her boyfriend. This he did, and the following morning Johnny described everything to his mother.

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One day, Little Johnny’s teacher, Miss Figpot asked the class if they could name some things you can suck!”

“Ice cream, ma’am!” Little Mary answered.

“Good, Mary.” Miss Figpot said, “Anyone else?”. “How about a lollipop!” said Steven.

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There’s nothing worse than a snotty doctor’s receptionist who insists you tell her what is wrong with you, in a room full of other patients. I know most of us have experienced this, and I love the way this guy handled it.

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1. A THINGEY:
A. Female – Any part under a car’s hood.
B. Male – The strap fastener on a woman’s bra

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The Inevitable
Why is the cemetery like a lavatory?
Because, when you’ve got to go, you’ve got to go.

Which to Wag

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Speakers of the House

In the first year of marriage, the man speaks and the woman listens.
In the second year, the woman speaks and the man listens.
In the third year, they both speak and the neighbors listen.

Wish!

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Creation: A Brief History

In the beginning, God created earth and rested.
Then God created man and rested.
Then God created woman
Since then, neither God nor man has rested.

Whom to Let In First

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