Quotes and Text Messages

“Words Can Be Everything”

Lawyer’s Jokes #3

Written by QAT on Oct 18th, 2008 | Filed under: Lawyer's Jokes

What do you call 5000 dead lawyers at the bottom of the ocean?
A good start!

What’s the difference between an attorney and a pit bull?
Jewelry.

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Tags: Funny Jokes, Jokes, Lawyer Jokes, Lawyer's Jokes

Funny Joke About a Blonde and a Brunette

Written by QAT on Oct 18th, 2008 | Filed under: Funny Jokes

A blonde and a brunette were talking, and the blonde was very stressed. The brunette asked her what was the matter. The blonde proceeded to tell her that she really needed to sell her car, but no one would buy because it has 130,000 miles on it.

The brunette said to her, “I know a way that will help you sell it. I have a friend who can help you, but it’s illegal.”

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Tags: Funny joke about a blonde woman and a brunette woman, Funny Jokes, humor, Jokes

Funny/Silly US Laws (Classified by State)

Written by QAT on Sep 7th, 2008 | Filed under: Joke for All

These are real standing laws from around the United States of America. I honestly think they’re funny. :-)

Alabama: 1. It is illegal for a driver to be blindfolded while operating a vehicle.

California: 1. Community leaders passed an ordinance that makes it illegal for anyone to try and stop a child from playfully jumping over puddles of water.

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Tags: Funny joke about US Laws, humor, Joke for All, Jokes

Funny Joke About Classroom Recitation

Written by QAT on Sep 6th, 2008 | Filed under: Funny Jokes

A third grade teacher always took role call each morning and had the pupils’ answer by reciting a short poem.

The first kid sat in the first row was a teachers pet. He stood and said, “My name is Dan, and when I become a man, I would like to go to Japan if I can, and I think I can.”

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Tags: Funny joke about classroom recitation, Funny Jokes, humor, Jokes

Funny Joke: An Italian and A Greek

Written by QAT on Sep 6th, 2008 | Filed under: Funny Jokes

A Greek and Italian were sitting in a Starbuck’s one day discussing who had the superior culture. Over triple lattes the Greek guy says, “Well, we have the Parthenon.”

Arching his eyebrows, the Italian replies, “We have the Coliseum.”

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Tags: Funny joke about an Italian and a Greek, Funny Jokes, humor, Jokes

Funny Joke: Questions and Answers

Written by QAT on Sep 6th, 2008 | Filed under: Funny Jokes

Q: What does a blond and a beer bottle have in common?
A: They’re both empty from the neck up.

Q: How do you make a blonde’s eyes twinkle?
A: Shine a flashlight in their ear.

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Tags: Funny joke about questions and answers, Funny Jokes, humor, Jokes

Mature Humor/Adult Jokes #7 - Young Woman and Innocent Little Brother

Written by QAT on Sep 6th, 2008 | Filed under: Adult Jokes

Little Johnny was 7 years old, and like other boys his age, rather curious. He had been hearing quite a bit about courting from other boys and he wondered what it was and how it was done.

One day he took his questions to his mother, and she became flustered. Instead of explaining things to Johnny she told him to hide behind the curtains one night and watch his older sister and her boyfriend. This he did, and the following morning Johnny described everything to his mother.

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Tags: Adult Jokes, Adult Jokes, humor, innocent young boy, Jokes, mature humor, naughty young woman

Mature Humor/Adult Jokes #6 - A Lamp

Written by QAT on Aug 31st, 2008 | Filed under: Adult Jokes

One day, Little Johnny’s teacher, Miss Figpot asked the class if they could name some things you can suck!”

“Ice cream, ma’am!” Little Mary answered.

“Good, Mary.” Miss Figpot said, “Anyone else?”. “How about a lollipop!” said Steven.

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Tags: Adult Jokes, Adult Jokes, humor, Jokes, mature humor

Mature Humor/Adult Jokes #5 - A Day in the Clinic

Written by QAT on Aug 31st, 2008 | Filed under: Adult Jokes

There’s nothing worse than a snotty doctor’s receptionist who insists you tell her what is wrong with you, in a room full of other patients. I know most of us have experienced this, and I love the way this guy handled it.

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Tags: Adult Jokes, Adult Jokes, humor, Jokes, mature humor

Mature Humor/Adult Jokes #4 - Hospital setting

Written by QAT on Aug 28th, 2008 | Filed under: Adult Jokes

A man was seen fleeing down the hall of the hospital just before his operation.

“What’s the matter?” he was asked.

He said, “I heard the nurse say, ‘It’s a very simple operation, don’t worry, I’m sure it will be all right.”

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Tags: Adult Jokes, Adult Jokes, Funny Joke in a Hospital, humor, Jokes

Funny Joke About Circumcision

Written by QAT on Aug 28th, 2008 | Filed under: Funny Jokes

One day in the hospital, two little boys were lying on stretchers next to each other outside of the operating room. The first boy leans over and asks, “What are you in for?” “I’m here to get my tonsils out and I’m nervous,” the second boy says.

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Tags: Funny joke about circumcision, Funny Jokes, humor, Jokes

Funny Joke About Mental Hospital Patients

Written by QAT on Aug 11th, 2008 | Filed under: Funny Jokes

Ralph and Edna were both patients in a mental hospital.

One day while they were walking past the hospital swimming pool, Ralph suddenly jumped into the deep end. He sank to the bottom of the pool and stayed there. Edna promptly jumped in to save him. She swam to the bottom and pulled Ralph out.

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Tags: Funny joke about mental patients, Funny Jokes, humor, Jokes

Various Quotes #3

Written by QAT on Jul 18th, 2008 | Filed under: Various Quotes

Beauty is in the eye of the beholder, and most often in the tongue of the liar.

A person is happy if he has a problem and enjoys solving it.

Tags: humor, Jokes, Quotations, Quotes, Various Quotes

Various Quotes #2

Written by QAT on Jul 18th, 2008 | Filed under: Various Quotes

Guilt: The inner voice that tells us that Someone may be looking.

Being single is cool. No worrying about anyone, no obligations and best of all, no heartaches. But you know what? If you will never get your heart broken, you will never learn to love.

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Tags: humor, Jokes, love quotations, love quotes, Various Quotes

Mature Humor/Adult Jokes #3

Written by QAT on Jul 18th, 2008 | Filed under: Adult Jokes

The Inevitable
Why is the cemetery like a lavatory?
Because, when you’ve got to go, you’ve got to go.

Which to Wag

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Tags: Adult Jokes, Adult Jokes, humor, Jokes, mature humor