Quotes and Text Messages

Types of Maids

Obedient: “Nakahanda na po ako, Sir . . . ng pagkain.”
Polite: “Luluhod na po ba ako, Sir . . . para ma-bless and food?”
Careful: “Dahan-dahan naman po, Sir . . . bka mabasag ang plato.”
Addict: “Ang sarap Sir . . . sana araw-araw ganito lagi ang ulam natin!”
Concerned: “Bilisan mo, Sir. Darating na po si Ma’am . . . sigurado gutom na yun!”
Bless your naughty mind . . . hehe!

Little Johnny was 7 years old, and like other boys his age, rather curious. He had been hearing quite a bit about courting from other boys and he wondered what it was and how it was done.

One day he took his questions to his mother, and she became flustered. Instead of explaining things to Johnny she told him to hide behind the curtains one night and watch his older sister and her boyfriend. This he did, and the following morning Johnny described everything to his mother.

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One day, Little Johnny’s teacher, Miss Figpot asked the class if they could name some things you can suck!”

“Ice cream, ma’am!” Little Mary answered.

“Good, Mary.” Miss Figpot said, “Anyone else?”. “How about a lollipop!” said Steven.

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There’s nothing worse than a snotty doctor’s receptionist who insists you tell her what is wrong with you, in a room full of other patients. I know most of us have experienced this, and I love the way this guy handled it.

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A man was seen fleeing down the hall of the hospital just before his operation.

“What’s the matter?” he was asked.

He said, “I heard the nurse say, ‘It’s a very simple operation, don’t worry, I’m sure it will be all right.”

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1. A THINGEY:
A. Female – Any part under a car’s hood.
B. Male – The strap fastener on a woman’s bra

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The Inevitable
Why is the cemetery like a lavatory?
Because, when you’ve got to go, you’ve got to go.

Which to Wag

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Speakers of the House

In the first year of marriage, the man speaks and the woman listens.
In the second year, the woman speaks and the man listens.
In the third year, they both speak and the neighbors listen.

Wish!

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Creation: A Brief History

In the beginning, God created earth and rested.
Then God created man and rested.
Then God created woman
Since then, neither God nor man has rested.

Whom to Let In First

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