Quotes and Text Messages

One day, Little Johnny’s teacher, Miss Figpot asked the class if they could name some things you can suck!”
“Ice cream, ma’am!” Little Mary answered.
“Good, Mary.” Miss Figpot said, “Anyone else?”. “How about a lollipop!” said Steven.

There’s nothing worse than a snotty doctor’s receptionist who insists you tell her what is wrong with you, in a room full of other patients. I know most of us have experienced this, and I love the way this guy handled it.

A man was seen fleeing down the hall of the hospital just before his operation.
“What’s the matter?” he was asked.
He said, “I heard the nurse say, ‘It’s a very simple operation, don’t worry, I’m sure it will be all right.”

One day in the hospital, two little boys were lying on stretchers next to each other outside of the operating room. The first boy leans over and asks, “What are you in for?” “I’m here to get my tonsils out and I’m nervous,” the second boy says.

1. A THINGEY:
A. Female - Any part under a car’s hood.
B. Male - The strap fastener on a woman’s bra

Ralph and Edna were both patients in a mental hospital.
One day while they were walking past the hospital swimming pool, Ralph suddenly jumped into the deep end. He sank to the bottom of the pool and stayed there. Edna promptly jumped in to save him. She swam to the bottom and pulled Ralph out.

The Inevitable
Why is the cemetery like a lavatory?
Because, when you’ve got to go, you’ve got to go.
Which to Wag

Speakers of the House
In the first year of marriage, the man speaks and the woman listens.
In the second year, the woman speaks and the man listens.
In the third year, they both speak and the neighbors listen.
Wish!

Creation: A Brief History
In the beginning, God created earth and rested.
Then God created man and rested.
Then God created woman
Since then, neither God nor man has rested.
Whom to Let In First

A big-game hunter went on safari with his wife and mother-in-law. One evening, while still deep in the jungle, the wife awoke to find her mother gone.
Rushing to her husband, she insisted on them both trying to find her mother.