Quotes and Text Messages

Girls are like cell phones, they like to be held and talked to, but press the wrong button and you’re disconnected. Guys are like buses. If you miss that one, another will be along soon.

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Relationships are like traffic signs 1-way, 2-way, do not enter, no U turn, no left turn, but the best so far is give way and keep right.

Being happy all the time is kind of boring.

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Words and hearts should be handled with care… for words when spoken and hearts when broken are the hardest things to repair.

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Who soars too near the sun, with golden wings,
Melts them; to ruin his own fortune brings. Shakespeare
Farewell, a long farewell, to all my greatness!
This is the state of man. To-day he puts forth
The tender leaves of hope. To-morrow blossoms,
And bears his blushing honors thick upon him;
The third day comes a frost, a killing frost. Shakespeare

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A man placed some flowers on the grave of his dearly departed mother and started back toward his car when his attention was diverted to another man kneeling at a grave.

The man seemed to be praying with profound intensity and kept repeating, “Why did you have to die? Why did you have to die? Why did you have to die? Why did you have to die?”

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Walking into the bar, Harvey said to the bartender:

Harvey: “Pour me stiff one, Eddie. I just had another fight with the little woman.”

Eddie (bartender): “Oh yeah. And how did this on end?”

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During the wedding rehearsal, the groom approached the pastor with an unusual offer:

“Look, I’ll give $100 if you’ll change the wedding vows. When you get to the part where I’m to promise to ‘love, honor and obey’ and ‘forsaking all other, be faithful to her forever,’ I’d appreciate it if you’d just leave that part out.” He passed the minister a $100 bill and walked away satisfied.

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A friend asked a gentleman how it is that he never married.
Gentleman: “Well, I guess I just never met the right woman . . . I guess I’ve been looking for the perfect girl.”
Friend: “Oh, come on now. Surely you have met at least one girl that you wanted to marry.”
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A wife asked her husband . . .
Wife: “Honey, if I died, would you remarry?”
Husband: “After a considerable period of grieving, I guess I would. We all need companionship.”
Wife: “If I died and you remarried, would she live in this house?”
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Three guys are out to have a relaxing day fishing. Out of the blue, they catch a mermaid who begs to be set free and in return, she will grant for them a wish.

One of the guys just won’t believe her, and so he says, “Ok, if you can really grant wishes, then double my I.Q.”

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